True murderer

as a spirit
floating upon clouds
i sit and watch you from afar
i can see through your soul
as you lay there
waiting for the light of salvation
as you lay there
waiting to forget what is considered your past
and then i notice the blood that gushes out from your skin
and how it has mixed with my sweat
i realised that it was i who have pierced you
it was i who have pulled you into the darkness
it was me.....who sits here bathing within your ..... tears....

I need a hug...

i honestly hate this....

i thought my new year would have a great beginning...

but it gets bad with each passing day...

i lost my moon light...

i fought with the hand that rocked my cradle...

im losing grip to my vessel...

im losing sanity...

i feel like im getting dumber and dumber...

i cant control what is happening to me...

i feel like im turning into a monster....

and in matter of days...or months...i will be a creature that has a heart of stone and face of pure cold....

December...

My bestie's posts on FB.....her posts -no matter what- always make my day *smile*

and best ones were the i dropped series :P

I LOVE YOU LAYAL!!!!

may we stay BFFs for ever 

:D

and this is how it feels at times....Sleeping....

screaming from joy...

God is looking at me and blessing me and showing me that life isnt all grey and blue...

i lost 2 people in my social life....a friend ....she is a very talented girl and it got awkward between us....and she chosen to remove me from her life and now im respecting her decisions and im staying away....and a great friend who and i admit had a crush on for more than 2 years....he also has decided that its best if we parted and .....well you know how it goes....

but truth of the matter is.....i didn't want to lose them....but i guess our friendship wasn't meant to be and i got into a bit of a depression...

but....
yes there is a but....
as what they say....when God closes a door, he opens up a window....and if you keep looking behind you may miss what is in front of you....

when i decided to get back on my feet
it was weird but i felt happy....i got hyper.....and a lot has happened..
i think someone likes me
ummm....i did a good deed *huge smile* which got me to smile, cause i felt like im useful...
gentlemen ....gentlemen EVERYWHERE!!! hahaha...yes everywhere i go (in college) there is a nice guy being nice to me ...lol
and most importantly...

2 amazing looking italian men are in our college *huge smile*
that united me and my girls and raised our spirits to the fullest :D
I thank God for blessing us with them...
i thank God for blessing me with these events and giving me the strength to look forward....

though i admit....i miss them...
no one stays for ever, right? :)
you just gotta live and let go...
(yet i will be here if they ever thought of returning *baby smile*)

What makes me sad when it comes to socialising...

These phrases always get told to me by various people:

• If you add importance to other people, you decrease your own value and importance. 
• You don't need them.....if they don't need you.
• people that mind don't matter and people that matter won't mind.
• concentrate on those who feel comfy around you.

and many more within that same context...

....but me....being me....I do not always listen..... I put people before me....for I do not know what reason...

and time passes by and they might end up leaving me behind....and in the end it is me who gets sad...

and at times....it's not only being left behind but it could be something like:

• when things get awkward and the other person decides to just walk away instead of trying to make it work, if only you could've told me your reason...or is it cause you are over considering that you are scared to hurt me on the way??
• when a person who claims that they do NOT pretend, then they do exactly that when talking to you!! all i ask is please stop hiding...if you hate me....just say so and I shall leave you alone...
• when someone just gets jealous of me for no reason...then starts calling me fake...I am sorry if my natural look bothers you so much....and I am sorry for being genuine and honest ... 
• people who take me as a threat....here is what you can do, ever heard of "keep your friends close....but your enemies closer!"....well if you take me as an enemy, you can work with that concept....get to know me WELL...after awhile you shall realise that I am the LAST person to take as a threat....(truth of the matter is... I suck at being evil...)

there are a few more points which i have forgotten about ... but these are the main points...because I feel like what could have been a great friendship could be destroyed with these simple steps... and it makes me sad that it had or it will have to end like that... 

who knows....maybe in another lifetime we would be closies...